


Happier

by SummerRaine14



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Drug Abuse, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Triangles, Multi, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-10-08 04:32:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10378368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerRaine14/pseuds/SummerRaine14
Summary: Years after Robert and Aaron split, he is brought back to the village because of a tragedy and believes that Aaron is happier without him.





	1. If You're Moving On With Someone New

**Author's Note:**

> So I know I have 2 fics already on the go and I am shit at updating but I couldn't shake the feeling that I had to write this and get it out. Me continuing will be based on the results of the first chapter. So comments are extremely appreciated on this one :)

Five years ago Aaron was released from prison, and Chas couldn't keep quiet about him and Rebecca. Aaron wasn't broken, truthfully he didn't feel anything and he just told Robert to get the hell out of his life. That's exactly what Robert did, he packed his bags and left the village. It was only right as it wouldn't have been fair to stay around and make Aaron see him, but it was more selfish than that. He didn't want to have to see Aaron because the more he did, the more he hated himself. Everyone in the village made it clear how they felt about his infedelity, even Vic told him she wouldn't put up with it and he had to stay away from her and Adam. Of course over the years they mended their relationship, she would visit him or they'd meet up in Leeds, but he'd never come back to the village and Adam never went with her. He would never forgive him for what he did to his best mate, family or not. Vic could forgive him all she wanted but he'd never be a part of it. Whenever she'd go to be with Robert, Adam would catch drinks with Aaron in the pub or sometimes be his wingman but that was far less common than nursing pints and playing darts in the Woolpack. It took a long time for Aaron to even sleep with a man again, all he needed was the drugs and sex wasn't nearly as important. He'd tell his mum and everyone else he met a lad and they had a date when it really was just a drug deal outside of the village. After a year and a half it became more clear he wasn't Aaron Dingle anymore, Chas and Paddy went back to their old routes and gave him an intervention. They paid for him to go to rehab and he was in there for several months before doctors gave him the all clear. Paddy and Chas watched over him like a hawk until he was a year sober. He had a sponsor so they didn't really have to, but every time he mentioned a date they would analyze it much much further. Including meeting the lad before they went off and they never let him leave the village. It wasn't until he had a date with a man that they all thought was amazing for him that he was allowed outside of the village. That man was his sponsor, Aiden. It was against all rules but the men couldn't help their attraction towards each other. Their stories were similar, their lives were the same, they not only felt the others pain but understood it and that made a huge impact. When Aaron had been sober for a year they decided he didn't need a sponsor anymore and that way they could be together. When they discussed it and finally got their first night together their lives were no longer the same. It felt as if this was the moment they were waiting for, like it needed to happen. Three years later and they're very very happily together, they attend meetings together for their drug abuse and make sure the other one always has someone to talk to instead of turning to drugs. Robert had left without any word about what was going to happen to the Mill, so when Aiden and Aaron had been together long enough they chose to move in there. Adam couldn't help himself, he still fixed the place up after what Robert did and made it into somewhat of a home for Aaron and Liv. Aiden was the kind of man you wanted to bring home, he was kind and generous, smart and successful despite his bad times and he was reliable. Everybody fell in love with the man, well except for Vic. She was happy her best mate was happy though, he deserved it after everything her brother put him through. Five years had passed since Aaron was released from prison and his life couldn't have been better, until two days ago. Aiden, Aaron and Liv were sitting together having their dinner meal like they always did when his phone went ringing off the hook. It was his mum and he could barely make out her words she sounded so broken, finally calmed down she was able to say she was at the hospital and he needed to get there. When they got there his mum was sitting and visibly shaking. She didn't know to break the news, but only moments before the doctors came and told her Paddy didn't make it after a fatal car crash in rainy weather.   
***  
Robert had moved away from the village five years ago,and since then has yet to return. The closest he's come is Leeds. He only stayed in England to be able to talk to Vic and see her when ever possible. He was now living in Bolton which was in Greater Manchester. Work wasn't the greatest for a while as he let himself fall apart constantly, but he eventually became one of the towns highest rated real estate brokers. Living alone in a small one bedroom flat, he is more focused on work than anything else and hasn't had a serious relationship since Aaron. He's been with a number of men and women but none of them could give him what he wanted, he'd swear he was over Aaron. That within the five years they spent apart he'd moved on. But truthfully he didn't know if he had, because you can never really stop loving someone that way. You can only try to find something new and no longer compare it. That's why it worked better for him and women than him and men. The only man he'd ever loved was Aaron and comparing him to anyone made them lose out, but not a single woman he'd ever been with was all that special. He'd sworn to Vic that he'd never go back to the village, he didn't want to do that to himself or Aaron. But he did feel bad for leaving Vic, even when she said it was for the best. He missed his little sister. It was after a long days work on a Saturday night and he was nursing his third glass of scotch that evening when he received a call from Vic. When Robert picked up the phone she was clearly in tears but not so much that she was out of control. He still worried though, this was his sister after all.  
"Robert there's an emergency." She stated as Adam held her and she tried to explain to her brother what happened.  
"Vic what happened?" Robert placed down the scotch and left his tip with the glass. He went outside so he could hear her better.  
"Paddy, he's dead. Rob you need to come back." She cried out. Robert was left in a shocked state, hearing those words broke his heart, but not for himself. He and Paddy never got on, but that man was like a father to Aaron. Vic was right, he had to go back. He had to go back for Aaron. Robert was soon getting into his car and struggling to get the keys in their slot, he hadn't thought about Aaron for months. It was rarely ever, the only time he did was when he travelled to Leeds or had any visits with Victoria. But now the man clouded his mind like he did many times in the past. Robert was back at his apartment pulling out one if his luggage carriers and packing a week's worth of clothing. He may not be there that long, probably won't be if the Dingle's have a say in it. But he had to be safe, just in case.  
It was a long drive on wet roads, the weather had been unpredictable for almost a week now and storms just kept coming. Robert blasted the music so he couldn't hear himself think as he left his life in Manchester and headed back to the one place he never thought he'd go again, but somehow always ending up back there. As he got closer he began to freak out even more. The sign read "Welcome to Emmerdale, please drive carefully through our village." He laughed at the irony in it. How majority of the deaths here had been caused by car accidents yet the sign still warns people to be careful. It was a twisted kind of funny and Robert almost hated himself for laughing given the events that brought him back here. Paddy died in a car accident.  
"Robert!" Vic jumped into her brothers arms as her and Adam were opening the door to leave when he arrived. Adam rolled his eyes and pushed himself past the two of them as they enjoyed their bitter sweet reunion.  
"Vic come on, we're meeting Aaron at the pub. He's the hurt one here." It was clearly a jab at Robert and Adam shamelessly did it. He didn't care, it was true. Aaron needed them more than anyone else right now and they promised they'd be there in a few short minutes. Robert shook his head understand but Vic didn't take it as enough.  
"Come with us." She demanded pulling on her brothers arm. He'd been gone for years and she wasn't about to take no for an answer. Adam wasn't pleased with the idea and they all knew that right now was far from the right time to announce Robert's return, but she was a matchmaker and there were tons of times before that Robert was the only one who could save Aaron. She was hoping this would be one of those times.   
***  
Aaron was sitting with Aiden in a booth near the entry way to the back of the pub, just in case being around people got to be too much. He couldn't handle being around people much and this was the first time since they went to the hospital that he actually was in a public area. He'd been locked up in the Mill for the last 48 hours. He had lost track of his count of pints, he wasn't in a good state but as long as he didn't touch drugs or self harm no one was going to say a word. He was pushing everyone away though, he didn't sit near his boyfriend and he didn't talk at all. The only sounds they got out if hum were mumbled responses worth nothing because he didn't care. The world was nothing to him, all that meant something was nothing to him now. He didn't make a movement besides picking up and putting down his glass until the front door opened and he heard a shatter of glass across the ground. He turned his face to the noise and he saw his mum had dropped a glass jug of beer she must've been bringing to a table. When his curiosity rose he looked around to see what the cause of her actions could have been and there he was, Robert Sugden standing at the front door of the Woolpack.


	2. Ain't Nobody Hurt You Like I Hurt You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Robert's return to the village, an interesting conversation takes place out side of the woolpack and over an early morning coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am overwhelmed by the response of the first chapter!! Thank you so much to everyone who has left comments and kudos.  
> Comments and input are extremely welcome on this fic:)
> 
> Also chapter titles will consist of lyrics from Ed Sheeran's song "Happier" as that was the inspiration for this fic.

When his curiosity rose he looked around to see what the cause of her actions could have been and there he was, Robert Sugden standing at the front door of the Woolpack. Aaron had tried, he had tried to not shut himself away and block everyone out of his life. But if this was what he got for stepping outside, having to see Robert of all people after five years, he was sure as hell going to go back to the Mill and lock himself away. He couldn't do it, have to face this man after so long and especially now. Their eyes met, and all this pain came flooding back. He had felt it all, what it was like to love a man like that, what it was like to be hurt and manipulated and lied to by a man like that, what it was like to lose control of yourself all because of a man like that. He looked away and back to the man sitting opposite of him, Aiden's face was in a small frown and his eyebrows were raised in confusion. For a moment Aaron forgot that Aiden didn't know the story of Robert, who he was or what happened with Aaron. Sure he had heard his name in passing from Victoria and Adam, but he wasn't a common topic anymore. Luckily Aaron had always managed to change the subject when exes came up or Paddy and Chas would hint at his past. All Aaron could do was shrug his shoulders and get up, he couldn't bare to be in the room with the man who hurt him more than anyone else had and the one man who deserved the best from him. He patted Aiden's shoulder as he walked past him into the back room. It looked as though Aiden was about to follow Aaron when he saw the look across Chas' face that clearly said 'Don't'. So he didn't, instead he stood up from the booth and walked past Victoria, Adam, and Robert at the front door and went outside.  
"Who the hell do you think you are showing up here now?" Robert had known from Vic that Chas and Paddy got married last year, they decided to give it a real chance and this time it lasted. He knew she'd be in just as much pain even if they weren't together, but it must've made the impact even harder in some ways. He knew what it was like to lose someone you loved in that way, or at least what it felt like to think you were going to. Four times Robert's heart sunk at the realization he may lose Aaron forever. When it was because of him and Aaron ran until he couldn't feel anything anymore, until he almost died. When his terrible so called father returned to the village and he began self harming again. When they got into a fatal car crash and it looked like Aaron wouldn't survive. And when prison got to be all too much and drugs became more important than him. He wouldn't say he knew what it was like though that was the last thing Chas or anyone else needed. "Paddy was right about you all along, you're scum." She was ready to go some more but Cain stepped up to grab his sister away. He knew whatever she had to do or say to Robert Sugden was going to be from good and it wouldn't help anyone, Chas digging her teeth into him again. No one would believe it, that Robert wasn't the same as he was when he returned in 2014. But he wasn't, in 2014 Robert would've fought Chas back and made her feel low and like she was nothing. He would've said being scum was better than loving a joke, he would've made everyone hate him even more in the wake of a tragedy, he would've been selfish. This time though, he looked down and said,  
"I know." Then turned away and exited the bar before Victoria could protest for him to stay. He couldn't fight Chas because he respected her, despite everything he had grown to appreciate the way Chas and Paddy worried about Aaron. She was a good mother who just had her bad moments. She became like a mother to him in ways over time, and to fight her would hurt him too, because she was right.

"Sorry, didn't see you there." Robert growled when he bumped into someone turning the corner of the Woolpack. It took a minute for him to catch on, but then he realized, "You were sitting with Aaron inside?" He didn't mean to ask it, but it came out before he could stop himself. The man looked at him confused, why does he care that I was sitting with Aaron? But he wasn't going to leave him hanging,  
"Yeah. What's it to you?" Aiden was a good guy all around, he didn't treat people like garbage unless they deserved it. There were only two people that he'd come across in his life who did, his drunken father and his abusive ex that basically pushed him over the edge to do drugs. Robert, yes he deserved to be treated like garbage by a number of people in this village, Aiden was not one of those people. "Sorry." He apologized almost non-believably. "Do you know him?"  
They couldn't have been dating that long if Aaron or anyone really never told Aiden about him, or maybe Aaron just let go and never wanted to talk about him again. Both of those possibilities circled Robert's mind has he thought about the number of times he'd talked to or about Aaron in this very spot. "Yeah, you could say that." He answered vaguely. "How do you know him?"  
"We're together, have been for a few years." It felt like being stabbed constantly in the chest and having no way to escape. Sure he'd thought Aaron had moved on, but he'd never really known, and now that it does he wants to leave. Turn away and live up to his promise that he'll never come back, but he can't do that. Not yet anyway. That was the thing about this village, once you enter you can never really leave and Robert Sugden was about to learn that the hard way. "What about you?"  
Robert felt himself growing worried, what if he said the wrong thing? What if he let it slip that him and Aaron once shared a bed that was in a room behind those very walls? What would happen then? He froze and thought of the easiest way to put it that wasn't a lie, and so he did. "Vic, she's my sister."  
"Oh, so you're Robert Sugden then." It clicked and the way Aiden said his name was proof enough there was absolutely no way Aaron or anyone had told him about them. "The long lost brother has returned." He chuckled not understanding the impact that specific comment had on him, Robert let it slide thought as no one really knew what it was like hearing those little things.  
"So how'd you and Aaron meet?" Robert asked taking advantage of the opportunity at hand. Considering Victoria had yet to mention anything about this guy he had to find some way to get answers.  
"I was his drug sponsor." Aiden wasn't sure if Aaron would want him running his mouth about the drug abuse but he figured if Robert was Vic's sister he would've known everything. Hearing how they met made Robert hate himself even more, the fact that it was him who pushed Aaron to do the things that ended him up in prison and taking the drugs, he basically gave Aaron to Aiden. It was pathetic, five years later and still jealous when he saw another man with the one he once loved. Sure if this were four or even three years ago it wouldn't have been bad, time would've still barely passed but now? Five years is a long time, and they'd both moved on. Robert had to get his head together and stop thinking of the past; of him and Aaron because chances were they'd never be together again. "I should probably go talk to him actually." Aiden said pointing to the back door of the Wooly which Aaron was most likely hiding behind. If he was anything like he was five years ago then Robert would bet his life on it that Aaron was standing at the kitchen sink with the water running so he couldn't hear his thoughts. Either staring out the window with tears rolling down his face or with his back against the sink and just staring at a room that would always be his home. Without realizing what he was doing, Robert stood in front of Aiden and asked,  
"You wouldn't mind if I went to talk to him for a few? It's been years and I wanted to offer my condolences." He furrowed his brows and gave an unamused look but wasn't going to protest. Instead Aiden shook his head and let the man in front of him go to his boyfriend and stood alone. 

Robert had known Aaron well whether either of them would admit it or not, because when he opened the back door of the Woolpack, there he was, standing alone in front of the sink staring into a room with the lights dimmed. "Aiden not right now." Aaron spoke softly turning around expecting his boyfriend to be standing there but it was none other than Robert. His eyes widened in shock and he almost wanted to run to another room again, he couldn't look at that man. Or he just didn't want to, he wasn't sure, although Aaron wasn't sure of much anymore. "Robert." Aaron said quietly, so quiet that if someone wasn't listening they wouldn't have heard him. Robert didn't know what to do with himself, he didn't even really understand why he was in there. If Aaron hadn't turned around and saw him he probably would've left, or maybe not. He wasn't so sure he would've been able to walk away from Aaron without even just a few words.  
"Vic called me about Paddy, I'm so sorry Aaron." Robert risked a punch in the face or something worse and took a few steps closer, he stood against the fridge and looked at Aaron. "And Aiden, I'm happy for you."  
"Oh cut the shit Rob." Aaron snapped, the tears were falling freely and Robert once again felt at fault for Aaron's pain. "You don't care about Paddy and on the inside you probably wish Aiden didn't exist." The words were harsh and unfair, but Aaron believed them to be true. Sure, Paddy was never going to be Robert's best friend and he wasn't exactly pleased another man could give Aaron what he couldn't but that didn't mean he didn't feel things. He knew what Paddy meant to Aaron, and what being loved by a good man did too, he was sorry and happy all at the same time. Sorry Aaron had to lose such a great father figure, but happy he had a loving boyfriend to hold his hand through the ordeal.  
"No, Aaron I mean it. You don't have to believe me but I really do mean it." He pushed himself off the fridge and began walking to the door, standing there with his hand wrapped around the handle he looked back and said, "I'm staying until the funeral and then I'll be out of your hair so you don't need to worry about me very long." Aaron didn't make a sound, he just watched as Robert left the building and headed to God knows where. You'd never hear him say it, but it meant something that Robert showed up, sure it didn't exactly feel great having to see him but it meant something. What exactly, well that he wasn't so sure of, but something.

***  
Robert woke up before the clock even hit 6am. He had become an early bird over the years, not able to sleep through a whole night anymore. He quietly stepped down the stairs of Victoria's Cottage and walked into the kitchen, normally opening the blinds meant a shining sun but now it was nothing but a darkened sky and rainy grounds. As he waited for the kettle to warm up he looked around, this was once his home but only because he made a huge mistake. Not Aaron and the affair, no, but Chrissie. Chrissie was the second greatest mistake of his life, Rebecca being held at number one since that terrible night at the Mill five years ago. He never thought he'd have to live here again, and yeah he wasn't actually living here but he always thought one day him and Aaron would move into their home together, live their lives together. The Mill was just supposed to be a starting point, he had always hoped that after Liv graduated and moved to college they could move out into Leeds and just stay together in the woolpack whenever they came back for visits. But things don't always happen the way you want them to and Robert knew that better than anyone.  
"Rob?" He heard a quiet voice ask coming from the kitchen entry way. He turned around to see a sleepless Adam rubbing his eyes and still in his night wear. 'what are you doing up?"  
"Just couldn't sleep." Robert answered simply turning back to the window. He and Adam never got on either, probably never would and he didn't exactly fancy a six am conversation with the man.  
"That makes two of us. Vic's been kicking me awake for the past hour or so." He noticed the kettle was boiling and asked, "Mind if I join?" Robert shook his head despite not wanting to around Adam. Victoria would've kicked his ass if he had said no, and it's not like it was his house. He was a guest, couldn't very well be the selfish asshole everyone thought of him as.  
"Take a seat." Robert said picking up his mug and the kettle to pour himself and Adam both drinks.  
"Nobody's ever hurt him the way you did Rob." Adam said looking at Robert as they shared a morning coffee, "It took a long time to get over what you did. He's finally happy, so please while you're here, just don't hurt him again." Robert looked away from his brother in law and thought about what he said. If Aaron was happy, that was what mattered most to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I'd get a chapter up so soon as I have already trashed 2 long ass parts I wanted for this chapter but this came flowing out and it felt right this time around.  
> I actually adore Robert Sugden, but I'm trying to stay real to the show so there is going to be a lot of |Robert hate in upcoming chapters if I continue on. Bare with me though.


	3. Nursing An Empty Bottle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the day of Paddy's funeral arrives, Aaron falls apart and only one person can really hold him together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's taken a while to get this up, but I hope you all enjoy :)

He stood there alone in his old bedroom above the Woolpack in his favourite blue suit as he struggled to get the tie on. This was never an issue before, then again nothing that had seemed to be difficult was hard before he found out about the accident. His hands wouldn't stop shaking and he couldn't stop sweating. Today was the day he dreaded more than any one before in his life, the thought of the words and stares he'd get from the entire village made his heart mad and broken all at once. The village had known all of secrets, except Aiden didn't and that was going to be hardest kept secret today. They would all give him the look they had when Jackson passed on, when Chas revealed what Gordon had done, when Robert left. Only this time it'd be different, because this time he was losing not only the only man he'd ever been able to look at with respect but the only man who ever treated his mother right. They were losing the best man he'd ever known, and everyone was going to make sure Aaron knew they were sorry. The village never was discreet about things, they would stare without caring and they'd say what they wanted when they'd want to.  
"Aaron?" He heard Liv ask with a knock on the door. He quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen while thinking of the day to come and answered,  
"Yeah?" He took a deep breathe "Come in."  
"This is a dumb question, but how are you?" She didn't know what else to ask but the glow in her eyes always made Aaron's day, she always could bring some light to nearly anything.  
"I'm-I'm alright Liv." She was 20 now, no longer a young teenager but now a beautiful young woman who was doing amazing in school and had a decent job for her age. But no matter how big she got, Aaron still felt the need to pretend he was okay for the soul purpose of holding her together when needed. Liv and Paddy were never extremely close but she liked the guy, she understood he was important to the family and that made him important to her too. He stepped up when Chas and him made a go of things, agreed to help parent Liv the same way he did Aaron all those years ago. For Liv too, he was the only real father she'd ever known and she needed him whether she'd admit it or not. The closest Liv had ever come to a real father figure was Robert, but everyone knows how that turned out. No one seemed to notice or care what it did to Liv too. It broke her and she was more than thankful that Paddy was around when she needed him to be.  
"You're rubbish at lying, but I'll let it pass." The smile on her face lightened the mood as much as it could right now.  
"We better get a move on it." Aaron gestured to the door and followed behind Liv, turning back to shut off the light and close his old bedroom door. 

\--

"This village lost an incredible man. He was a caring husband, dedicated father, amazing friend and the loving-kind hesrted village vet." Harriet spoke standing at the front of the church. She looked to Chas and Aaron as she said the words. They were seated at the front along side Marlon, Rhona, Liv and Leo. Aaron had held his tears in but Rhona and Chas were sobbing. Both women loved that man and it wasn't easy for them to say goodbye either.  Marlon had lost his best friend, but he had to hold it together to look strong in front of Leo who still was too young to completely understand the gravity of the situation. "Chas has been chosen to say a few words."  
Chas rose from her seat and walked up to the front along side Harriet. She stood to the aide as Chas stood behind the podium beside Paddy's casket.  
"Everyone who knew Paddy knew what kind of man he was. He made his mistakes, but didn't we all?" Tears were falling and her voice got shaker with every word. "He was more than just kind. He was a brilliant man, loved his children more than life itself. He was selfless and..." Chas looked at the casket and her tears began pouring. She couldn't finish her words, Aaron jumped from his seat to grab his mother from the front of the church. They walked past the number of sympathetic faces and exited the church. Chas couldn't stay in there a second longer and Aaron wasn't about to leave her alone.

"Mummy." He whispered holding her as she cried into her son's arms.  
"Oh love, you don't need this today." Chas was guilty, how could she not be? The day she was supposed to hold it together for her son and she could've even do that.   
"No mum, I'm here." He looked around and took in the fresh air. He hadn't appreciated it this much in a while. It wasn't just the fresh air, he really hadn't appreciated anything at all since Paddy died, little did people know even before that dreadful night he was going through things. Things that would be discussed another time though, because all that mattered now was surviving this funeral and taking care of his mum during such a hard time. 

It was silent until they heard the sound of feet hitting gravel, Chas looked up to see Robert and they could all feel it was about to get much worse. Robert looked away from Chas when he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks, there was a time when she was like a mother to him, it hurt seeing her like this. "I didn't know if I should come." He admitted walking slowly closer to Aaron and Chas.  
"Well you made the wrong choice. You should have just stayed away!" Chas growled before quickly picking herself up from the ground and leaving the area all together. Aaron debated running after her, but he couldn't do it. His body was a mess after the previous night and he didn't hold the strength to go chasing after his mother.  
"She didn't mean it. It's just been a rough day." Aaron tried covering up for his mother, even if they both knew she definitely meant it. Once upon a time she might not have, but now she did and there was no arguing that.  
"I know, but she still meant it." Aaron looked surprised, not expecting Robert to be able to admit that he knew Chas hated him. Although it was far from a secret in this area. "How are you?" Robert asked knowing it was a stupid question but not able to hold himself back from asking anyway.  
"I'm okay." Aaron lied.  
"Okay, now this time. How are you, honestly?" Robert had to push, he knew the answer but he needed to hear Aaron admit it. He never could stand when the man tried to lie to himself and everyone else about his feelings.  
"It's Paddy, Rob. How am I supposed to feel?" Robert could hear the shakiness in his voice, he could see the tears coming, and he could tell Aaron had been trying to hold it together all day but now it was his falling point. "How'd you feel when your dad died?"  
Robert was shocked by the question, it had come out of nowhere and if anyone knew his relationship with his father was absolute crap it was Aaron. He couldn't lie though, because this was more than just a question. Aaron needed a specific answer but Robert wasn't so sure he had it. "I didn't really feel anything to be honest with you. It didn't hurt but I wasn't happy. I was just kind of nothing." He admitted honestly.  
"Is that just the normal thing?" Aaron chuckled, Robert looked at him confused, "I don't feel anything Robert and I hate myself because shouldn't I be hurting more than ever? I mean, it hurts yeah, but not like I thought it would."  
"Nothing ever feels the way we think it will." Robert said trying to say the right thing and not royally fuck up when things are hard enough already.  
"Are you coming in?" Aaron asked changing the subject before things continued on. He needed to get back in there before more people started asking questions.  
Robert shook his head yes, and with that Aaron and Robert entered the church together for the remainder of the service. 

An hour later and the villagers began scattering away from the grave yard. Paddy had been buried as his friends and family got one last final goodbye. Everyone was gone but Aaron and Aiden until he asked to be alone. He hadn't been here in what felt like forever, since last time he visited Jackson. It'd been years, he couldn't bare it anymore. It seemed like the more time went on, the more it hurt. Time heals all wounds was absolute bullshit to him.  
"You were left alone again I see." Robert commented when he approached Aaron sitting alone against the tombstone.  
"Er-ya." Aaron mumbled refusing to look up at his ex with tears in his eyes.  
"Come on." Robert reached his hand out for Aaron to take hold of. Shockingly Aaron agreed and let Robert pull him up from his sitting position. "You need to get out of here." He suggested.  
"What?" Aaron wasn't following along.  
"You need a break. I know you want to be here but you need to give yourself some time to relax."  
"Okay, so what do you suggest then?" Aaron asked.  
"Where do you wanna go? Wherever you wanna go to clear your head." Robert was giving Aaron a way to go somewhere and just escape for a little while. He clearly needs it, and selfishly Robert wants to be the one to give it to him.  
Aaron shyly smiled as a place came to mind. "I'll drive."

Not even twenty minutes later Aaron and Robert arrived at the old cliff. Last time they'd been here together was 7 years ago as they tried to talk Andy down from suicide. It was an emotional day and all three of the men were falling apart, not much different from the situation at hand; only this time Aaron may have been the one needing a talking to. "I come here a lot" Aaron admitted. Robert looked at him with sad eyes as they sat together in the car. "It started a few years ago. Before you left even, never told anyone. I was here all night." He pointed to the empty whiskey bottle sitting at the edge of the cliff that you could barely see from the car.  He reached for the door handle and exited the car, Robert quickly followed behind him. "It's where I did the spice here and there." Robert flinched at the words, the thought of Aaron on drugs tore at his heart. "Don't act surprised. I know Vic probably told you."  
"Yeah, she mentioned it. Told me you got clean." Robert risked it and put his hand on Aaron's arm for a sense of comfort, "You're still the strongest person I know." The memory made him smile, back when things were becoming so real again. They were sitting on a car at the scrap yard and those were the exact words Aaron had needed at that time. And here they were again, together when Aaron needed those words.  
"No I'm not. If I was strong I'd be back at the village with my mum and sister. I'd be with Aiden not here-"  
"With me." Robert's heart broke as he said the words.  But he knew it's how Aaron felt. Or at least it wasn't much of a surprise.  
"Robert-"Aaron went to speak but he couldn't let him continue. Not when he knew the truth.  
"I get it. I screwed everything up and I'm surprised you even looked at me let alone talked to me." He walked closer to the edge of cliff, "A lot has changed since we last saw each other. Aiden, he seems like he's hood for you."  
"If he's so good for me, then why are you the one that knows exactly what to say and he doesn't." Aaron took the step closer to Robert. "Why am I with you and not him?"  
"I've known you longer, maybe." Robert was trying to think of a good enough reason but even this one wasn't all that truthful. In the five years they've gone without talking Aaron has been with Aiden for three. Even with Robert it was only a real year, the time had nothing to do with it. They both knew it. "How did he take it all?" Robert didn't say what he meant, but Aaron knew, it was Gordon.  
"He doesn't know. Doesn't know about us either." Aaron openly admitted. "We're just not there yet."  
"Three years and you're not there yet? Do you think you'll ever be there?" Robert wanted to take Aaron's mind off of Paddy and everything else, but maybe this wasn't the best way. He could see that when he looked at Aaron. "Sorry." Robert looked down at the water below them and tried to ignore the look on Aaron's face that he'd seen a million times before.  
"Fancy a drink? We could both use one." Aaron smirked, not wanting to open up or hurt anymore tonight.  
"Yeah." Robert smiled at how simple it all seemed to fall into this pattern with Aaron again. 

They had been at some small bar outside of the village for almost an hour and Aaron had been on his fifth drink. Much to Robert's surprise when they got there he didn't want a pint, he chose something Robert never thought he'd see the younger man drink, scotch. It was stronger, the smell, the taste, the affect. All of it was much stronger than a beer. "You know Rob, I'm glad you came back." Aaron slurred over his drunken words  
That wasn't what Robert had expected to hear after their random hour of dumb topics and awkward silence. As much as Robert selfishly enjoyed the words that Aaron spoke he knew what was to come, "Come on." He stood up, "It's time we get you back to that little village of yours." Robert helped support Aaron as they went outside. It had gotten darker quicker than either man expected and it clearly was about to start raining at any given time. 

As the two men drove in silence Aaron turned to Robert and said, "I don't want to go back tonight. Can we...get a motel or something?"  
"Chas would kill me Aaron." Robert wanted to say yes, but he knew what would happen. Everyone would blame him and say it was his fault. Freak on him, tell him it was taking advantage of Aaron in a bad state. He didn't know if he could deal with the raft of the Dingle's and Emmerdale village.  
"I'll cover up. I promise, just...please." Aaron was almost begging and the look in his eyes was one Robert couldn't turn away from.  
"Ok ok. We'll find a place." And so, Robert went against his better judgement because when it came to Aaron he couldn't help himself. He knew what was right and what was wrong, but he couldn't turn down this request even if the after math is going to kill them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and imput are very very appreciated


	4. Both Your Smiles Were Twice As Wide As Ours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert realizes returning to the village was a mistake and goes home to Bolton.

It had been a late night for Robert. Aaron crashed nearly immediately after the got their room at a small remote motel. But Robert couldn't sleep, he had to wait until he knew Aaron was asleep and safe before he even tried to close his eyes.  
"You know, this reminds me of the old days." Aaron commented the next morning as he and Robert sat awkwardly drinking half ass made coffees and muffins.  
"What?"  
Aaron chuckled as he sat his coffee down on the small table, "Ran away from the village and spent the night in a motel." Robert smiled along with the man in front of him, "Only I'm the one with someone." Pain filled Robert as he thought about Aaron with someone else, it almost made him sick. That after all they'd been through he let the man of his dreams, the man far too good for him slip through his fingers.  
"I treated you better than this." He joked pointing out the crap quality of the motel room they were in. "Look, we better get a move on it before Chas starts ringin' ya." Robert stood from his chair and grabbed his jacket on the stand by the front door. He was quick to get out of there as a million memories ran through his mind about everything that happened. The hotels in Hotten and Manchester, the trips abroad that they took when they finally got their chance, the times they spent in the portacabin and how times like those and...times like this, when they were together everything else seemed to disappear.  
"Yeah." Aaron looked to his feet before getting up and joining Robert out the motel door.

"Do you love him?" Robert asks as they pull up outside the Woolpack. Aaron's confused but Robert points in front of them where Aiden is standing at the door of the pub. It doesn't seem like Aiden can tell who's in the car but Robert's preparing himself for what's to come when they exit the car.  
"I-Yeah Robert I do." Aaron couldn't bring himself to say the words "I love him." But that was because of who he was talking to, he couldn't admit to Robert that he loved someone else. Not after all that has happened, not now when Robert was there for him when he needed someone most. "Look, if anyone asks I'll say you found me outside of the village this morning. Don't need more crap while you're back."  
"I'm leaving today anyway Aaron." The words fell from his mouth without meaning to, yes he already said he was only going to stay until the funeral and that was that. But he didn't want it to be real after last night, he needed more time with Aaron but he wasn't going back on his word.  
"Oh. Well I'll still cover up for ya." Aaron opened the car door to be met with Aiden's eyes.  
"Aaron I've been worried sick about ya." He said with a raised voice as he walked fast to meet his boyfriend. "Who's in the car?" Aiden furrowed his brow and pointed to Robert's car parked not even 6 feet away from where they were standing.  
"You've met Robert haven't you?" Aaron asked as he saw his ex husband exit the car as well and wave to the two men. "Found me wandering, offered me a lift back." He stated.  
"Saved my man's life." Aiden smiled widely and shool Robert's hand. "I really owe you one. Fancy a pint on me?" When Robert noticed the way Aaron's eyes lit up as he stared at his boyfriend with their fingers entangled an unsure feeling ran through him. One he'd never felt before, and all he could do was answer the way he thought was right for him.  
"Appreciate the offer but I best be going. Got work up in Manchester and need to get my stuff from Victoria's." He answered before beginning to turn away and wall towards Vic and Adam's house.

Robert was in the guest room of the house when he heard the door open. "Upstairs Vic." He yelled down as he continued packing up the bag of clothes he brought for the past few days. There was no response but it didn't affect him none, he just figured she saw his shoes and wondered where he was. Everything was like a normal day in their place until footsteps approached the room and he looked up to see Aaron.  
"When you said you were going today I didn't think you meant as soon as we got back." He stated, looking down at the man he had previously spent a night with for the first time in five years. He stopped what he was doing as soon as he realized who it was. As soon as Aaron started talking he felt like he couldn't breathe. He was leaving him behind again, only this time it hurt more than the last, because time didn't heal all wounds. Sometimes it cut them deeper and deeper until they couldn't get worse. Sometimes time was the last thing s person needed, and both men knew that was the case with them. It always was.  
"Yeah well at the time I didn't." Robert didn't mean for his voice to sound so empty and cold, he really didn't. Because all he wanted to do was show exactly how much he loved the man that stood before him. But he couldn't, because he saw Aaron's face when Aiden was there. Aaron meant it when he said he loved the other man, he really did and that became clear in that moment. It's what pushed Robert to  
Summer  
want to leave so quickly. His fear of being around the man he has and always will love and not being able to be with him. He could never do it. Certainly was not going to try now. "Just got a call when you left the car."  
"You think I buy that." Aaron snarled. He knew Robert well, he could tell when he lied and right now was one of those times. "Not only were you in the car for like a minute, but I can tell when you're lying."  
Robert couldn't help but laugh at the honest truth, because that's what it was. "Look I just think I've missed enough work and should get back." Robert lied again. Something he did more than normal whenever it came to being in the village.  
"Oh for Christ sakes. Stop lying and just tell me why you're leaving." Aaron demanded. He was mad now, listening to Robert lie constantly it always pissed him off more than anyone knew how to. "What one night with me and you remembered why you cheated?" Robert's eyes widened in shock. How could Aaron think that? Robert loved him, he never meant to him. Well in that one drunken night he did, but only because Aaron hurt him first. Of course that was only the drugs talking but he didn't know it when he made that terrible mistake.   
"Aaron. No. God no." He wasn't cold and empty anymore. He was hurt, the words and the thought of Aaron feeling like that. It hurt. "I.."  
"You what Robert?" Aaron yelled. Growing angrier with every passing second.  
"I remembered what it was like to you Aaron." Robert sighed as he took a seat on the bed. "To make you happy, and smile the way he did. If I ever made you that happy. Just to see you like that, it hurt Aaron because it reminded me of what I could never have again."  
"If you ever made me that happy? Robert are you mental?" Aaron asked as he placed himself beside Robert on the bed. He looked over and their eyes met. "Did you even see me last night? It was Paddy's funeral but you managed to put a smile on my face. My dad, he died and you were the one that made me smile." Aaron stopped again, debating whether continuing wad the right decision to make but he couldn't stop himself, he needed to get this out because he never could before. "I spent a long time trying to move on, and you're right I am finally happy. But never the way I was with you. No one will ever make me feel like that Robert. No one comes close." Robert smiled at the words as they were the exact ones he spoke about Rebecca and anyone else the day he proposed. The day he asked to spend the rest of his life with the only person he ever wanted to be with forever. "If you want to go. Go. But not because of that, and your sister is happy to see you so think about that too you ol' git."  
"I...I can't stay Aaron. And no, not just that. It's everything. All of it, I need to go back."  
Aaron felt his heart shatter in his chest as pouring his heart out in a way he never thought he'd be able to didn't keep Robert around. He'd been able to keep Robert around more than once in the past. He had been able to keep Robert around more than once before. No one knew of those times though. The first time was before his wedding to Chrissie. A moment of weakness when Aaron made what could have been considered a huge mistake, he told him that Chrissie was what he wanted. What he needed, a life with her and the money. Then a stupid joke of them running away together when they had a week without that life and it was just the two of them. Aaron told him that what they had was good, of course it wasn't but he wasn't going to let the man run. But both of those things happened over five years ago, a lot has changed in that time and clearly Robert did too. "Okay. Just don't run off without a goodbye to your sister." With that Aaron stood up and left. There was only so much you could do for a person if they weren't doing anything back. Even if Aaron wanted Robert to stay he couldn't say it, and it became clear he couldn't make him.

This time was almost harder to leave, seeing how much had changed in the years he'd been away. Hugging Vic tightly for probably the last time for a long time, waving to Aaron and Aiden who sat in the back of the pub while Robert made sure to stay close to the exit.  
Last time there was no goodbye. Aaron hated him and so did most if not all of the village, so his bags were packed and he was gone. No idea where he was going, nothing to go to. This time everyone hated him just a little less, and he was saying goodbye to a life he never wanted to lose. A life with Aaron where they could be honest with each other, that's what these last few days had been. Honesty. But this was his choice, all of it was his choice. Starting the affair seven years ago, continuing it on through the marriage, falling for Aaron; well he didn't have much of a choice with that, but he did with helping Aaron through the hardest time of his life, giving things another go, then Rebecca. Undoubtly the worst decision he'd ever made, it ruined everything and he knew with the days and situation he  
Summer  
was handed there was no way of making up for that. It's all Robert could think about as he took what he thought to be his final steps out the Woolpack door, who he could've been, who be could've been with, those chances were long gone and this was his life. Maybe his father was right when he was 19, that he belonged far away from the village and should never go back. Robert was nearly positive everyone else thought that as he could feel them staring at his back before the front door closed.

Robert couldn't bare to think anymore, all he saw in his head was the way Aaron smiled when they saw Aiden. The way his face lit up in ways he wished he could make him, and the way the last two days made him feel. Only one person could ever do that to him, bring all those kinds of feelings back. It was only one person who could ever make him feel those things from the start. It was always only Aaron. As he approached his car he saw a tall blonde man in a suit coming his way, soon followed by a face that was all too familiar. Chrissie White. Robert was prepared for the raft of hatred and evil that he became very used to with that woman before his time in the village came to a painful end. What he wasn't prepared for was how kind she was. "I heard you were back in town Robert Sugden. Really couldn't believe it myself." She said as her and the blonde man that had ahold of her hand came closer.  
"Chrissie White. It's been a while." Was all he could say. She was far too polite for him to even recognize her.  
"Yeah. How's everyone doing?" He knew she was referring to the Dingle's. More specifically Aaron, you barely had to know Robert to know that if he was back in the village it was for him. But Chrissie knew him, and she had seen first hand how much Robert cared for the other man.  
"As good as they could be." He hesitated before continuing, "So who's this?" He asked pointing to the man hand in hand with Chrissie.   
"Oh excuse my manners. Robert this is Joseph. My husband." What shocked Robert was the most was that she was respectful with every word she spoke, not even slightly surprised that she was married. He was actually genuinely happy for her. She wasn't his favorite person, but she did deserve happiness. She'd been through a lot and after all wasn't the worst person he'd ever met.  
"Oh, well congratulations you two. I was just on my way but I'll talk to you later." Robert opened his trunk to finish putting his bags in and then went for the front door, Chrissie put her hand on his shoulder.  
"Aiden isn't that special Robert." Then continued walking with her husband.  
Robert thought of those words as he drove down the country lanes. Nothing but trees and water for miles, it's all he saw as his mind was filled with images of Aaron and Chrissie. How can the two people he's hurt most in the entire world treat him better than he deserved. His phone lit up a few times as service went in and out, already having 'miss you' messages from Vic and a few work calls. Real life was falling back into place and he wasn't so sure he wanted it to. He arrived back at his flat and dropped his bags on the floor staring into the empty place and thought of the night before when he was anything but alone and empty.


	5. My Friends Told Me One Day I'd Feel It Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some mates from work take Robert out for drinks but all he can think about is Aaron.

About six and a half months after moving to Manchester Robert met a beautiful young woman who was working on an apprenticeship at the real estate firm he'd been hired onto. She was in her early twenties but wise beyond her years, a tall, curvy brunette with perfectly curled hair. If he'd met her, Sapphire, two years before they met he would've craved her. She was his type, he always had a thing for the brunettes. But no, because he was in love with Aaron there was no way he'd ever be able to look at her like that. She wanted to learn, and so he taught her. They spent late nights at the office looking over paperwork and talking about strategies to winning a buyers heart. They'd talk about posture and attitude, exactly how to come across to others even if it was a scheme. Eventually it became late night drinks at each other's places, soon after that dinner that wasn't ordered in takeout, then movies at local theaters. They didn't like each other like that though, she was closeted but very in love with her girlfriend. Robert laughed at it when she first told him, what were the chances. It didn't take long for him to be so comfortable with her, he opened up about being bisexual. The affair with Aaron, and all that followed. They became best friends, she was the first and only person he told about why he was leaving on a few personal days. After her time doing work as an apprenticeship she actually got a job and her and Robert have been partners on many work projects. She covered for him and knew not to push anything, not with him. He appreciated having a friend like that, he needed it most of the time and today was one of those days. He'd been home from the village for nearly two weeks and yet it still didn't feel like that. He had been work for no longer than an hour but it felt like days. All employees that he worked with knew he was at a slower pace then usual and that he wasn't himself so they planned to take him out to work. Sapphire over heard and knew she had to warn him. He needed time to come up with a reason why, and his head was far from in a worming condition.  
"Robert." She smiled as she walked into his office to see her best friend seated at his desk. "How are you?" She knew the answer. He wasn't okay, and probably wouldn't be for a while. No one really knew because they only cared about Aaron and how long it took for him to come around but being away from Aaron makes him go mad. It's put him in a bad place a few too many times before and Sapphire knew she needed to be there for her friend.   
"Better. Why what's up?" Robert knew Sapphire and he knew if she ever came in here asking how he was doing or feeling there was something else to it. She knew he wasn't a talker when things were bad, and usually the only time she'd ask would to be to warn him.  
"Just heard some of the guys. They want to take you out for drinks tonight." She looked to her feet as she admitted it, not noticing the look of disgust on Robert's face. He liked his work mates, but he hated when they'd ask him to go out. Always did, always would. "I mean, maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing?" She asked looking back up with an unsure facial expression.  
"You came in here to warn me and now you're on their side? No, I'll come up with some-" before Robert could finish what he wanted to say the door swung open and it was Mark, one of the guys who's been around the agency since before Robert joined.  
"Sugden it's been a while since you've joined us guys out after work. There's this awesome new bar opened downtown." He smield wide. "Not taking a no." And left out the door.  
"Well, I tried to warn you." Sapphire smiled but knew her friend wasn't impressed.  
"I'll get it over with. I guess." Robert scoffed, a clear sign that he wanted to be left alone. 

Hours went by and Robert groaned at the time. Half past six which meant in only thirty short minutes he'd be leaving with the men at the office to go out and drink. Something he used to enjoy but now something he wished he could've gotten out of.  
He'd managed to get out of any meetings with coworkers today and spent the day in his room going through paper work for the house he would be showing tomorrow afternoon. It was a quiet day that Robert needed, of course he'd needed a lot of those lately. Any type of noise made him think of the glass shatter as Chas saw him in the front doorstep of the Woolpack. Made him see her face of disgust and hatred, and the way Aaron could barely look at him. The sound of Chas crying at the funeral, any sound just made him think of those Emmerdale moments. The few short days that changed everything yet again, he was now tied to that village and couldn't get out of the ropes.  
"Robert." He heard the voice of another man from the estate agency calling him outside his locked door. Robert reluctantly stood up to the let the other man in, "You ready to go?" He asked.  
"I thought I had time." Robert argued not in the mood to leave just yet, really not in the mood to leave at all.  
"We changed our mind. Meetings and paperwork all done earlier so come on." He demanded.  
"Yeah I just need a minute." Robert said letting the other man out of his office and picking up his phone to see a number of messages from Vic and even one from Adam. She wanted to know when they could meet up again and Adam was just telling him to answer his sister because she was whining. Of course Adam had nothing good to say, he never did to Robert. He quickly answered Victoria saying, 'Meet me at a bar downtown tonight?  Could get me out of this mess.' He was hoping she'd reply quicker but when a few minutes had went by and she didn't he accepted that he'd needed to go now.

As the five men, Robert, Mark, Brady, Jeff and Ray sat together at a table in the back of the newest hit bar in town, they drank. It was busier than expected for such a new place but they weren't surprised with how nice the place looked inside and out. Most of the conversation was playful jokes and work talk. Up until Brady piped up and asked, "So where were you off to for a week Sugden?" And just as he was about to answer the front door opened and he was met with the sight of his younger sister. He stood quickly to avoid the question and ran to her. Happy until he notices Adam wasn't far behind exiting out a car he hadn't seen before.  
"Who's car?" He asked Victoria but she shrugged it off and walked over to the table where she saw men staring at her and her brother who she assumed were the people he needed saving from.  
"Who's this?" Mark asked as they approached the table.   
"My sister. Married sister." He looked Mark in the eyes as he said the words knowing that man needed to be told for him to keep his hands off. Mark was probably a bigger player than Robert used to be and he wasn't letting that man get anywhere near his sister. Vic smiled as she took a seat beside her brother.  
"So." Brady started, "where were you for a week?" They were all eager for an answer, and Brady wasn't going to stop til they got one.  
"Getting his heart broken." Vic joked, even though it was completely true. All men were even more intrigued now and listened in more carefully. "My friends dad died, it was the funeral and he used to date that friend." She avoided using his name and the term "he" as she didn't know exactly how honest Robert was with these men.  
"And this friend. How important was she to you?" Mark asked.  
"He." They looked up to see Adam standing behind Vic and he wasn't alone. He stood with Aiden and Aaron. When Vic realized that they came in here when she specifically told him to go somewhere else but clearly he didn't listen. " The friend is a he." He stated once more. Vic rose from her seat and turned to husband, "I told you to go somewhere else." She was irritated as she cared about helping out her brother and not dealing with his work mates.  
"The place looked cool.  But fine, we'll go to the other side of the bar and then after a drink or two. Leave." Adam couldn't fight Vic, he loved her too much. And everyone knew she was the one who wore the pants in the relationship. She smiled as her husband followed the rules and took Aiden and Aaron with him across the bar. Turning back to see a stunned and zoned out Robert she also smiled at the other men at the table who were confused. "Just my husband." She stated returning to her seat.   
"He?" Brady and Mark asked in unison. It snapped Robert back into reality as he saw his co-workers face and realized what was happening. When he saw their faces and the way Vic clearly knew she messed up he couldn't handle it anymore, this very thing was what he was trying to get away from. Having to deal with people every day who knew his deepest secret, people who weren't just from work, but now he was personally connected to. Five years and he managed to have only one person know him that way, now one trip to the village and that all came crashing down. He could barley hold himself together, he needed out of here. Everything was getting hotter, he was beginning to sweat, breathing faster, it felt like all eyes were on him and the walls were closing in. This wasn't right, none of this was right. He got up from his seat and ran away from the table put of the bar quicker than he's ever ran from anything before. Little did he know someone he loved was watching him move. 

Robert stood along the building in the dark alley way leading to the back. He was staring at the ground and had his hands against his head. What just happened? He thought as noise filled his mind again when the front doors opened and music blared. He didn't care enough to look back and see who it was, he didn't care about anything at the moment. All he could think of was Aaron. Seeing him, being with him, even just the couple seconds of being near each other tonight was enough to make his heart skip a beat.  
"Robert?" A voice came from the direction of the front door where noise escaped every time someone exited the building. He didn't even have to look up to see who it was, that voice was once his home and his everything. That voice was Aaron's. "Rob." He said louder as he got closer obviously wanting the man's attention.  
Robert didn't move his head or body at all but he responded, "What?"  
"If I had known that you were going to be here I wouldn't have agreed to come. All Adams aid was that Vic was meeting with someone and he wanted a few drinks." Aaron tried to explain and make things better but it made the opposite effect.  
"Don't wanna see me that bad eh?" Robert snapped back. He wasn't mad at Aaron. But he was mad and Aaron was the only one there to take it own on. "Just go back with your perfect little boyfriend and your perfect little village and leave me the hell alone." Robert literally pushed him away as he went to storm off and was met with the sight of Sapphire.  
"Mark called. Said it'd be best if I came to get you." She smiled and said, "Sapphire. You must be Aaron." Reaching out her hand in hope of a shake response but Aaron just sarcastically smiled and looked back at Robert.  
"Yeah. Let's go." And he said nothing else, made no more contact with Aaron, and left.

They sat in the car without speaking until they reached outside of Robert's apartment. Sapphire turned down the radio and asked, "You really did love him, didn't you?"  
Robert had never really gotten into details about his feelings when he told her about everything, but she knew. Hell now a days everyone knew. "Yeah, but now he loves Aiden so-"  
"You'll fall in love again Robert." She smiled even if she didn't believe it. Because as much as she pretended to, the way those two men looked at each other for the few seconds that she saw them, she knew. Even if he'd fall in love again, he'd never feel that way again.


	6. Ain't Nobody Love You Like I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On what would've been their five year wedding anniversary Aaron and Robert reflect on the past five years and what all went wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter, in particular, I have been writing it for what feels like forever, I wanted it to be absolutely perfect. Although I don't think it is, I hope it's as good as I planned it out to be in my mind.  
> Please, enjoy <3

It was February 20th, a normal day to a lot of people but a day that was marked into Robert and Aaron's heavy hearts forever. Today it would have been five years of marriage, sure not the happiest nor the easiest marriage, but one with two people who loved each other more than life itself. Or two people who used to love each other more than life itself. No one knew why, but every year on this date Robert called in sick from work. Excusing is as 'just that time of year' where people get sick. They weren't stupid, everyone knew it was more than a cold as he'd come to work fine the very next day. Some people thought maybe it was an anniversary of some sort, an emotional day and they weren't wrong. Robert used this day to sit alone in his flat with a bottle of scotch. Sure, alcohol and a broken heart never went well together but he needed that day off. He needed that first year just as much as he did now. Of course, he didn't bring the bottle of scotch out first thing, it was much too early for a drink like that. He'd get up and change into clothes he used to wear in Emmerdale all the time, tight black jeans with a long sleeve button up shirt and a professional blazer, Aaron's favorite blazer of Robert's. Then he'd go to a small cafe not far from his flat and order an americano with tea. The drinks he'd order once upon a time to bring home to Aaron. Then when he got back to his flat he would watch a football match knowing very well Aaron would always try to make him sit through one. It was his day to pretend he was living the life he'd wanted, the life he'd wanted with Aaron. And he needed that day. The alcohol always came later, when it was supper time and he ordered in Chinese for one instead of for three. He'd always prayed for the day Liv was going off to college and he'd have Aaron to himself, but he ended up loving that girl and he eventually accepted that their family dinners would be for three and not two. Of course, that was all before he royally fucked everything up. Today was the same as any other February 20th of the last 5 years, only this time he did something he'd never done before. He thought. He thought of what it was like to hold Aaron in his arms on their king sized bed because even with all that room he wanted and needed him close. He thought of them having drinks together in the pub, he thought of the way it felt to have his soft lips against his whenever he wanted them, seeing Aaron vulnerable and exposed. He thought of the ways things were, the way they were before he messed up. Maybe it was because he saw Aaron only a few short days ago or maybe because being so close to him in the car and hotel a few weeks before that brought it all up again. Or maybe it's simply because he loves him and that will just never change. As Robert sat alone on the window seat of his apartment he pulled out his phone and scrolled through hundreds of photos until he found the one of him and Aaron on their wedding day. They took it in the garage before returning to their hectic lives at the Woolpack. No matter what happened between them he never deleted those memories, he never got a new phone without switching them over, and every time he needed reassurance he went to that exact photo because it became their unofficial picture. It was really one of the only times since Rebecca had shown up in the village, it was their day with absolutely no problems. People would argue that after that he made a million mistakes and that's when it all went crashing down, sure they weren't wrong about the mistakes but everything was ruined long before that. The second Rebecca got off that helicopter it all went down hill. Robert's biggest mistake of all was not sleeping with her, it wasn't even kissing her, but that phone call to have her come to Emmerdale at all. That was the beginning of the end for him and Aaron, even if he denied it with every last part of himself. It really wasn't all Rebecca's fault, sure she didn't help the cause but if Robert just knew how, to be honest with Aaron five years ago maybe they'd be sitting together on this day instead of him alone in the apartment. If he wasn't stupid and knew that Aaron loved him no matter what he wouldn't be here. It wouldn't be like this. He still remembers the exact moment it all came crashing down, they were fighting in the back of the Woolpack and Aaron stormed out just to be met with Kasim and Finn fighting outside. He was angry and hurt and saw this guy saying and doing all the wrong things, probably reminding him of the way Robert once was but only worse. It was Robert's fault, Robert made him angry and hurt. Robert made him want to hurt anyone in his path because that was how he coped unless it turned into some other type of self-harm. It was all Robert's fault, always was and always would be. Because in the end, all Robert was good at was fucking up, especially when it came to Aaron. The first time Robert drank his feelings away led to him sleeping with Rebecca, then after Aaron kicked him out, and after that his drinking led him all over the place. He's amazed at himself that he was able to become sober and keep a job at the agency. A lot of thanks definitely go to Sapphire for that. Robert's screen went black and he saw the picture of him and the man of his dreams disappear, not that he didn't know the feeling. He'd felt even worse barely five years prior when he had to walk away from him. The phone lit up again with a phone call from Victoria, he declined and turned back to the picture of him and Aaron from the wedding. He then continued to scroll and saw photos of Liv and Aaron together from Christmas, their first holiday together, it was the first and last time he'd ever felt the sense of family. Chrissie and the White family never gave him that feeling, his own blood didn't many years before that, but somehow being with Aaron, Liv, and the rest of the Dingle clan gave him that security. His phone showed with Vic's contact again and he ignored once again. He couldn't hear her voice knowing she was only moments away from Aaron. The person who's voice he really wanted to hear. Seeing his sisters face when her contact pops up he remembers The way she looked at him when he explained what happened with Rebecca, he remembers thinking he'd lost his sister forever.  
Robert walked up to Keepers Cottage with his head hung low and heart broken. Aaron had just found out, he'd spent an hour listening to the man he loved and needed tell him how much he hated him and wanted him out his life. It was just a matter of time before the rest of the village would find out. Victoria needed to hear it from him, she needed to hear how sorry and full of regret he was. She needed to be on his side, even if he didn't think he deserved it. Which Robert knew he didn't, but it was always worth a try.  
Victoria opened the door to her home, to see her brother with tears built up in his eyes. She didn't bother to ask questions, not yet anyway. Instead, she hugged her brother tight before letting him into Keepers. When they got inside he took a seat on the couch and Vic offered a drink but he answered strongly with a 'no'. "I need to tell you before everyone else gets the word." His voice was low and shaky, he'd barely been able to contain himself and telling her was only making it harder. "I made a terrible mistake Vic." The tears weren't flowing but now noticeable down his flushed cheeks and Victoria placed her hand on her brother's. "Rebecca" was all he needed to say and she stood quickly up from the couch to look down at her brother disgusted. Just as much as Chas and Aaron, if not worse. Victoria was the one who found out she was pregnant first, and she knew that Rebecca didn't want to keep the baby. Just one word from Robert and it all clicked, she knew what had happened and didn't know if she could ever forgive her brother.  
"Rob please tell me you didn't." She was now crying. Everyone knew that Victoria had always been much more open with her emotions, they also knew Aaron had been her best friend for many years. Since they were kids and into adulthood, and she had made it very clear how much she supported him and her brother. Vic had tried to ignore all the talk, that people believed Rob would screw up and throw away his chance at being happy with Aaron because she knew it was the only person that made him happy. Deep down she knew it, she knew he'd screw up. Deep down everyone did whether they liked it or not. "Get out Robert." Vic couldn't speak. She loved her brother, she took him in when he cheated on Chrissie, stood by him when he got shot, supported him as he admitted his feelings for Aaron, but this was crossing a line he should've never even considered crossing. She couldn't forgive him now. Maybe one day, but not now.

She continued to call and he continued to ignore, but it wasn't until his phone rang once more with a new name and picture on the screen that he would pick up.  
"We need to talk."

Aaron had woken up alone that morning, once again on the couch. It had become a constant thing for him lately, waking up midnight and walking downstairs to just 'Get a glass of water' but would always stay, and always fall asleep on their sofa. He felt more comfortable alone, in his own space, not being watched or hovered over. He never could sleep through the night with someone else in his bed, although Robert was always an exception. It was worse this time, normally he'd get up to be back in bed so Aiden didn't notice but when he saw the date on his phone he felt like he couldn't breathe. Like his lungs had collapsed and his heart stopped, all those other years had been easier. That was before he saw that man-Robert, again. He could've tried to pretend he didn't care, he could've faked his feelings, he could've just continued to move on, that is if it wasn't for the night in Bolton. He thought about that night constantly, the way he and Robert were so close yet again. The way it made him feel even with Aiden only a wall away, how Robert's voice sounded and how truly broken he looked. Aaron was in love with Robert, he always had been. No amount of time, pain, or damaged hearts could change that. Robert showed up again when he needed him most, that was a pattern for them, always showing up at the right time. Of course, Aaron would never say the words, he'd never beg for the love of his life back but he felt it even if he wished he hadn't. Pulling himself from his thoughts of the other night Aaron was greeted by his loving boyfriend and a breakfast bagel. He knew this wasn't fair on him, Aiden was the one he should be thinking about into the depths of the night. He's the one that should keep Aaron up all night, he's the one who's treated so well over the years, never hurt Aaron, never even come close to it. Aiden is the one that Aaron should love, but how was he supposed to do that when Robert was still very clearly the only one he wanted?  
"You looked exhausted this morning," Aiden spoke lightly, not sure what kind of mood Aaron was in today. Ever since Paddy, he's treated him like he's glass about to shatter, not even questioning the entire Robert thing because he had no idea.  
"Yeah. Just stressed. Worried about Liv going back to uni with everything going on around here." Aaron lied, of course, it wasn't the complete dis truth. He worried about his sister, it just wasn't that he was worried about on this particular day.  
"Well, I've got work. But eat up, and ring me if you need anything at all." Aaron smiled at his boyfriend before Aiden stood up and left. Aaron once again laying alone thinking of everything. Everything he could possibly think of was running through his mind. Robert, her, the baby, them, the way it all fell apart so easily.

He still thinks of it all the time, what happened when he'd found out she hadn't only slept with Robert but gotten pregnant as well. Chrissie was the one to tell him, she walked over to the Mill, it was mid-Saturday in May and he'd kicked Robert out three weeks prior. Barely left the house except to go to the Scrapyard, pub, and make his drug trades. She was polite and sympathetic, more than anything she felt his pain. Didn't pity him for being stupid like others did, didn't say "I told you so", didn't release the anger he'd come to know so well, but took a seat beside him and seemed like she genuinely cared. Chrissie didn't want to tell Aaron, but she knew her sister wouldn't and as far as she knew Robert didn't know. When she had a miscarriage, she felt it was only right to express what had happened. Aaron deserved that much, Chrissie had been in his place so she knew. She definitely didn't know it all, and she knew they were different together. She truly believed that Robert really did love Aaron, but she also knew he was selfish to the core and probably knew about the pregnancy when he left. Aaron deserved to know what kind of man Robert was, or maybe he already did and tried to push the truth away.

Aaron knew he couldn't do this to himself, he knew he couldn't self-destruct but today was a different day. He couldn't pretend like it didn't hurt, he couldn't pretend like he didn't feel, he certainly couldn't pretend things hadn't changed. Based on the time he knew if he didn't get himself up and ready Adam would be ringing him or knocking on the door any minute, so he got up and forced himself to get ready.  
By the time Aaron had pulled on jeans and a hoodie and managed to get back downstairs Adam was sitting at the kitchen table. "Shit." Aaron jumped back. "I know I'm late. I slept in."  
"No, you didn't. I was complaining to Vic and she slapped me." Adam looked scared like he didn't want to talk about it or make a movement that might set Aaron off. "I'm so sorry mate." Aaron scoffed. Of course, Vic was the one to put things in order like that, Adam was a right clown and she always had to straighten him up. "Does Aiden know?" Aaron's heart fell. He never even thought of how his acting would affect his current boyfriend, sure he knew this was unfair but it was worse now. How exactly would Aaron explain this to Aiden when he didn't know what to say.  
"No. He doesn't know about the Robert stuff at all." Adams' eyes widened. He knew that Aiden didn't know everything about the past but he couldn't believe that he didn't know about Robert and what happened. He was sure that Chas and Paddy would've jumped at the chance to tell Aiden all the bad stuff, he really couldn't believe this. "I just...how could I talk about that stuff mate? How could I explain Robert? I couldn't and when he came back I was going through too much, telling Aiden was the last thing on my mind." Aaron admitted.  
"That's okay mate. But you can't hide it from him forever. Unless you still-"  
"No. I don't still love Robert." Aaron angrily cut off Adam. He didn't know what to believe anymore, before seeing him again Aaron could've sworn he'd forgotten all about Robert and that he'd never love him again. But the way he was so delicate with him, as he took Aaron wherever he wanted and how he didn't look at him like he was broken. But like a man who deserved nothing more than the best, if only 5 years ago he acted on what he felt. Of course he did though, he acted on how he felt about Rebecca and how he wanted to hurt Aaron. Maybe if Robert was the same man five years that he is today Aaron could've forgiven him, or he wouldn't have had to. Aaron hated himself because in all honesty, he knew it was coming, he had known the second he decided to give Robert after the trial that this would happen. Everyone had warned him what felt like a thousand times but he didn't listen, he thought he could change Robert. He thought that maybe he was enough, maybe this time around he'd finally be enough. "I mean I shouldn't right? After everything I shouldn't still love him."  
"Do you think it's that easy? You shouldn't love someone so you just stop? Vic shouldn't still love me after all I've done but here we are. Together after years of pain and hell." Adam sighed, he knew Aiden was good for Aaron and he knew his friend deserved the best man but during this conversation he realized it wasn't the best man he needed, it was who was best for Aaron and whether anyone liked it or not the truth was simply that Robert was best for Aaron. "You can't shut off those feelings. But eh, let's go get some work done and see how you feel later alright?"  
"Ya, alright." Aaron agreed and smiled. Adam wasn't the brightest all the time, but when he tries he does one hell of a job. It picked up some weight off of Aaron's shoulders for now, something he desperately needed. 

Six hours had gone by and Aaron barely thought of Robert, he couldn't say he didn't at all though. He does almost every time he goes to the Scrapyard. He saw the Portacabin where they shared a thousand moments, he looked over to the spot where Aaron's car was once parked and Robert held the man as he collapsed into his arms, he imagined the car that they sat on when Robert spoke the words "You're the strongest person I know."

Just like everywhere else in Emmerdale, there were things that could spark Aaron's memory of Robert in seconds but he was proud of himself for how little he thought of it and how quickly he got his mind back to focus. It wasn't easy, today was the furthest thing from easy. Adam asked if he was well enough for a pint at the Wooly and of course he couldn't turn that down. Besides he'd like to see Vic and his mum instead of being hawled up in the Mill for the rest of the night. They got to pub at a later time when it was less filled and they had more space and privacy which both men enjoyed and that was hard to find here. Aaron smiled to his mum when he walked in, she still wasn't okay. It was all still hard on her, but she was putting on a brave face and fighting through each day. "Heya boys." Chas picked up a glass in question to know if they wanted a pint or not. Both Aaron and Adam shook their heads yes. The men took their seats in barstools and waited for their drinks when Vic came out of the kitchen with a look of worry on her face.  
"Babe can I talk to you?" She asked her husband.  
"Yeah, course. What's up?" He responded oblivious to the fact that she meant alone.   
"No I-" Aaron could tell by her posture and the way her face was that this was about none other than Robert flaming Sugden.  
"Vic, you can say it around me it's fine." Aaron wasn't sure if that was the truth or not, he prayed for the day that the mention of Robert wouldn't tear him apart but he knew it wasn't now.  
"I'm worried about him. His friend rang me said he called in sick, said he does every year this day." She hesitated to continue and looked at Aaron who was hiding his feelings behind a masked expression. "I've been calling him but nothing so far." And that's when it hit Aaron. He'd seen this behaviour only once before from Robert. No one knew but in between the shooting and the two men getting back together Aaron had tried reaching Robert for whatever reason he may have had at the time. But the calls were never answered, he took it as Robert not giving a darn about him but he soon learned that wasn't it. Aaron stood from his bar stool without even one sip of his pint and went into the back room for some privacy.   
Aaron chose to go up to his old bedroom as he knew someone would be in the backroom within seconds and he needed a bit more time to do what he was going to do. With a lot of hesitation and his mind telling him to do other wise, Aaron picked up his phone and looked into his contacts. A number where no texts had been exchanged in years but one he always kept. Robert's contact.  
"We need to talk."


	7. I Will Not Take It Personal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria shows up in Bolton to tell Robert the unknown truth about why she has issues with Aiden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is fairly short compared to others but I am already working on the next one and it will be long.  
> Enjoy

Robert had been up until half past 3 in the morning on call with Aaron. They had to hang up for a bit when Aaron obviously had to go home to his boyfriend but after Aiden fell asleep they talked again. Ever thing at first was important, every small detail, every single word, but by the end of it they were simply just talking because they wanted to. Because they wanted to hear the others voice and neither one was willing to hang up first. It ended up Aaron falling asleep on call and Robert hung up so Aiden didn't question why his boyfriend was on call so early in the morning and for so long with another man. But it wasn't Robert that was the other man, not to Aaron anyway.  
It was 7am when Robert woke up and he knew he'd have to go to work. Less than 4 hours of sleep and he wasn't all that mad. For the first time in what felt like forever he was content with his life, sure he didn't have it all. He still wanted Aaron more than he could have him, more than he deserved to have him. Last night was the type of turning point he needed in his life, and he knew that today wasn't going to be that bad of a day. He put in his usual work attire, black trousers accompanied by a matching blazer with a tie. Looking at the clock he knew if he wanted to be at work on time as well as having a caffeine beverage he'd need to get a move on it. Bolton had two rush hours, 8am and 6pm. When most people would be leaving to work and then when they'd be returning home. Robert rushed out of his flat and got to the elevator right before it closed. Standing in between a group of people also dressed like they're on their way to an office job he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. A chill of hope ran through his body that it might just be Aaron again, but this time it was another familiar face. Victoria. She wasn't calling, probably because she knew he wasn't going to answer, instead she sent him a message  
-I'm coming up to see you today. We need to talk.-  
Robert loved seeing her but he had a day of work to catch up on and knew that he wouldn't have the time to talk once she got here. -About what?-  
-We'll talk when I get there. Love you- Victoria wasn't the type to go around things, usually it was Robert who would give a vague answer and not be honest about what was up. He was always the one to put things off, but he knew if she was coming all this way to talk it had to be serious. Robert didn't answer her though, the elevator was on the main floor and he needed to get to work. So he shoved his phone back in pocket and ran to his car followed by the other number of people his was stuck with. Robert realized while driving through the full streets and constantly looking at the lock that he didn't have enough time for a coffee. Running on less than four hours of sleep and no caffeine he'd have to face the raft of his coworkers for the next 12 hours. His phone was going off like crazy between the boss calling and messages from Sapphire as well as an overly dull unanswered email box. He had three meetings today, there was a new house down in the suburbs that one of most valued clients was looking at. Of course, this client had bought houses every 2 years as every time he had a new wife they would look at a new house.  This was the 2nd time Robert would meet with him, but as he learned the 6th time the company would work with him. That meeting is taking place at 9:30 am and if Robert remembers anything about working with this client before they won't get back for at least 3 hours. They will go out to see one piece of property and then a million questions will come up, leading to looking at a few more pieces of property. He isn't quite sure what is happening the other two meetings, Robert quickly scanned over the email from his boss the previous night while waiting for Aaron to call back. He pulled up to the office building luckily early enough to get to his parking spot without juggling to find it through a whole bunch of other vehicles.  
When he got inside there were a huddle of other men who worked at the firm, some of which he went out for drinks with a few days prior. He ignored all the stares and question as he proceeded to walk to his office where he was greeted by Sapphire and a warm coffee.  
"I knew you wouldn't make it on time to get a drink. You never do the next day." Sapphire was the one and only person at the firm who knew exactly why Robert wasn't at work and why he'd never be there with a coffee the next day. Of course, she assumed that it was his hangover like it was every other year but this time he didn't drink away everything and stay up with a bottle of vodka. This time he only drank before hand and stayed up with the man he was afraid to still love. Robert's little smirk as she said that told her that there was something else, she was good at reading him. Skills developed over the years. "What's that?" She asked.  
"Hm?" His smirk had turned into a full smile that he couldn't hide. When it came to Aaron he was like a love sick teenager. "It just wasn't a bad night for once." He said honestly, it felt good to be happy for once. To be happy the day after their anniversary, to know what it's like to have something with Aaron again. Whatever last night was.  
"Well your sister called saying you weren't picking up your phone. We're you-"  
"Oh God, no Sapph." Robert knew by her less than innocent expression what she was about to ask. As much as he wished that could happen for him, it certainly did not last night. "Aaron he uh-he called." A smile remained but when Sapphire raised her eyebrows it grew bigger. Just the thought of talking to Aaron made him get goosebumps. Before anything else could be said they were interrupted by a knock on the door.  
"Sugden you and I have to talk before your meeting." He groaned as he realized it was his ever so kind friend Brady who liked to have all the details laid out. A proper suck up to the boss at work.

Hours went by and before Robert knew it, it was quarter to five. Almost time to finish up filing the paper work from the previous hours and head out. As Robert put his signature down in two different spots on paper he heard the door open and looked up. "I got off work at Wooly early, wasn't expecting to be here for another few hours." Vic sounded innocent, as if she was an angel but her face said something much different than what her tone implied. She turned to close the door.  
"So why do we need to talk?" Robert asked less than thrilled with this visit based on what he'd heard so far.  
"Robert, you've met Aiden." She didn't know how to start, what she should say, she's spent years hiding a dark unpleasant truth about this man and for the first time was about to tell someone. "But there's something about him, something he did." Robert felt himself grow tense, from what he heard Aiden was the 'boy next store' type and everyone thought he was perfect. However based on the look in his sister's eyes, the way they glossed as if she was about to cry and how her normal happy expression was the furthest thing from.  
"Vic." Robert walked towards her and put his hands on her shoulders, he knew his sister and this wasn't her. "What did he do?" A million things ran through Robert's mind about what Aiden could've done, something to Aaron, what if he had hurt Aaron when he needed him most? What if he said the wrong thing and blew everything up? What if Aaron needed Robert now and he wasn't there for him. But nothing he could've ever thought would prepare him for the truth, the truth that shattered his heart and made him furious all at the same time.  
"He-he raped me." Victoria stumbled over the words, as the sentence came out she began crying and felt herself drop into her brothers arms. No, nothing could've prepared Robert for this.


	8. I Saw You In Another's Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert returns to Emmerdale with Victoria and reveals what she told him

The ride was long, longer than it had ever felt before. As Victoria drove down the country lanes she constantly looked to her brother to make sure he was okay, the news that she had shared with him only ours earlier was making his skin crawl and blood boil. The words she spoke, how her voice cracked over the finally revealed truth. If Robert hadn't hated Aiden before, he certainly did now. A selfish man who had no business being where he was, being with who he was. Aaron deserved better, and yes, Robert knew he was far from a winning prize but no one could even compare him to Aiden after what his sister told him. Aaron was with a man capable of the worst crimes, capable of the crimes that his father once committed on him at the young age of 8 years old into his teen years. The acts of evil that made him hate himself, the very man who pushed him over the edge to go as far as taking drugs in prison. As he thought of Victoria and the pain she must've felt, so much pain that she felt like she couldn't peep a word. The poor girl only young herself, the only thing she's ever known the world as is bad and pain. She deserved better, much better than the man she'd be stuck living near. When Victoria first told him what happened he had no idea how Vic could have left it quiet for so long, but then he thought of Aaron and the painfully long amount of years he couldn't bare to share his darkest secrets.  
"What are you going to do Robert?" Vic's voice was shaking, she didn't know if this was the right choice but it was one that had to made. Robert needed to know, he was the only person Aaron would listen to. But up until now, Victoria had been very unsure of whether or not she should tell her brother. "Robert you can't-"  
"I can't what Victoria?!" Robert screamed without realizing how he angry he sounded. "I'm sorry. It's just, you can't just tell me this and not expect me to do something. I wasn't able to do anything when Aaron told me, it felt like I was hopeless. You are my little sister and that son of a Bitch is going to pay." Victoria's hands were shaking and she knew her brother well. When he's angry especially when it comes to her and Aaron there are things people will never get away with. "What he did...he's disgusting." Robert was trembling over his words. It's how he sounded as he tried not to cry, knowing that he can't do anything close to what that...lack of a man deserves. The idea of getting vengeance for Vic while also trying not to hurt Aaron or Liv, someone will end up hurt no matter what he does.  
"Just don't get yourself into trouble." Always so selfless. It hurt him more knowing she still wasn't thinking about herself right now. Growing up having to take care of everyone else, she couldn't even tell anyone what Aiden did to her because of Aaron. It was time someone took care of her, time someone helped her. Time someone thought of her first.  
"I'm not the one who's going to get in trouble." The two siblings stayed silent as they continued to travel. It seemed as the closer they got to Emmerdale the longer the roads became. They were on the same road that Robert and Aaron had almost died on years before, and it made him think. What if they hadn't made it? What if they had died that day? Victoria would've never met Aiden, this terrible thing would've never happened to her. Or what if he died all those years ago with Andy? No lives ruined, no more anyway. No more blood shed. He was too stubborn to die and because of that it fucked everyone else's life over. But this wasn't about him and his guilt for all the things that have happened, this is about Victoria and giving her the chance of some sort of justice. Relief and freedom so she'd never have to see that 'man' again. "Where are they going to be?" Robert asked to know where to make his first stop back in the village.  
Victoria was hesitant, the expression on her brother's face scaring her. "They're at the pub. Made plans earlier." They were now passing the "Welcome to Emmerdale" sign and Robert felt himself grow even angrier as he looked to his sister who was clearly scared and hurt. He'd never seen her like this, and hated himself for not noticing she wasn't herself when this happened. Whenever it did happen.  
"Stay in the car." Robert ordered slamming his door when Victoria pulled to a stop in the Woolpack parking lot.

Robert stormed into the pub to see Aaron seated with Aiden and Liv. Liv sat across from them in a booth while Aiden had his arm around Aaron and all three of them smiling widely. It disgusted him, how could Aiden pretend to be this good man and smile around Aaron and Liv and all the rest of them when he did the unthinkable to someone they all loved. Chas was behind the bar when she noticed Robert at the door and yelled, "Get out of my pub!"  
"You want me out but you'll let this piece of shit in here!" He screamed back at her and raised his hand to point at Aiden. Normally he'd take the beating from Chas with no fight back, but it was different now. Everyone needed to know the truth about Aiden and he wasn't going to leave until they did. Robert walked closer to the booth they were seated at and continued, "You're disgusting. You honestly think that you'd get away with something like this forever. That she'd never open her mouth."  
"What are you on about Robert?" Aaron asked. Since Victoria told Robert what happened he'd barely thought about Aaron. He didn't want to hurt Aaron, he never wanted to hurt Aaron but there was no way he'd be able to get justice for Victoria without hurting him. No one here was getting a happy ending without pain first.  
"Are you going to tell him or should I?" Robert growled. Aiden knew the truth was about to come out, Robert saw it all over his face.  
"Aiden what is he talking about?" Aaron was growing annoyed and impatient. The door slammed again and he saw Victoria standing there with tears streaming down her face. "Aiden?!" Aaron yelled and slammed his hand against the table.  
"Rob-"  
"No Victoria. You told me what he did, and now I'm going to tell everyone else." Robert looked at Aaron and knew everything was about to come crashing down. "You raped her." Robert grabbed Aiden by the throat and pinned him against the wall. "You raped her and then you made her live around you every day of her fucking life."  
"Is it true?" Aaron asked Aiden, but when he was given no answer he turned to Vic who hadn't moved since she came inside.  And she didn't need to say anything either, the look in both their eyes told him what was true. "Answer me!" He yelled looking at his-Aiden in the eyes, even if he knew it was true he wanted to hear him say it. Victoria and Aaron did deserve that much after all.  
"I...Aaron I am so sorry." He began but Robert wasn't taking it. His fist met Aiden's jaw and the man fell to the ground. "Vic-"  
Robert kicked him in the ribs and screamed, "You don't get to talk to her!" He bent down and grabbed the man's face, "Not unless an apology is coming out of your fucking mouth." Victoria noticed blood on Aiden's face and knew that if she didn't stop Robert he'd still end up in trouble. She knew he didn't care about that, and that his mind was dead set on getting justice and making Aiden pay but she had to do something.  
"Robert please stop ok. This isn't the right way to do this. Just come with me." Robert turned and saw his sister standing at the door hopeless, she didn't need to see this. She just needed someone, and Robert needed to be that person. So he stood up and before leaving looked between Liv and Aaron,  
"I'm sorry." And left the pub with Victoria.  
Aaron soon followed leaving Aiden behind but he wasn't stepping back, "Aaron-" He turned around and just like Robert connected his fist with Aiden's jaw.  
"Stay the hell away from me and my family. Get your shit and get away from us. All of us." Aiden tried to argue but Cain held him back until Aaron was out of sight.

Outside of the Woolpack Aaron stormed around looking for Victoria and Robert to be met with a confused Adam standing on the sidewalk. "Aaron mate! What happened in there?" He asked.  
"Where's Vic?" Aaron asked completely ignoring Adams question as he had one thing set on his mind and that was to find Victoria and talk to her. Adam pointed to their cottage and Aaron began running to catch up to them. He got inside to see Victoria crying on the couch, much like he did 6 years ago when he told the same person his terrible secret. It took them a minute to notice he was there,  
"Aaron." Robert let out a sigh. He felt terrible, having to do that in front of him. Having no other choice but that when it came to him finding out. But more than that he felt bad that Aaron had to relive his own bad memories.  
"Can I talk to her?" He asked. Robert nodded his head 'yes' but didn't move at all. "Oh-er alone." Robert took that as his cue to leave and went to sit on the front porch. "Vic why didn't you tell me?" He asked hesitantly placing a hand on her shoulder.  
"You were happy with him. I was scared. I don't know Aaron." She was stumbling over her words and felt sick to her stomach. Somehow even when this happened to her she didn't stay quiet because she was scared, she stayed quiet because she didn't want to hurt her best friend. "I...I felt like no one would believe me." She cried out, turning around to hold onto Aaron who wasted no time and comforted her.  
"I thought no one would believe me either. Until I found someone who did. And you went to the same person." Aaron was still holding onto Vic as he continued. "He'll stop at nothing until Aiden's put away. I learned that." They both smiled as they thought of Robert's determination when it came to the people he loved.  
"What are you going to do? It's not like he's no one, you spent almost three years together." Aaron was trying to avoid this part of the conversation, he didn't know what he was going to do in all honesty. He realized that those years they spent together, he was with a man who he didn't know.  
"Vic when did it happen?" Aaron didn't realize the question he was asking until it was already said aloud. "I-I'm sorry, it's just when I told Robert he asked me about it. As much as I hated talking about it, I realized in the end that it helped." That was the honest truth, after years of hiding the truth being able to open up to someone helped him.  
"Not long after he started coming around." Vic hesitated as more tears fell just remembering the night. "Adam and I got in a big fight. You guys left for a work thing in Manchester. I was stupid, should've realized something wasn't right when he showed up at the house but I was so blind. Offered him a beer and he stayed around. We talked about you guys for the most part, he asked about you. I told him a lot of stuff, and then when I went to the kitchen he attacked me." They were interuppted by the opening of a door, when Vic and Aaron turned it was Robert and Adam standing there. Oh God, Adam. Victoria hadn't told him yet, she was scared of what could've happened. How he would react, but there her husband stood. Like he had failed and would never forgive himself. She ran into his arms and let out a loud cry. Aaron followed to the door and said,  
"We'll come check on you later. Just relax with your husband for now." And with that he and Robert left the house.  
"Did you love him?" Robert knew the question was widely inappropriate for the time but he needed to know. He knows how Aaron gets when he's hurt, and if he really loved Aiden then there's no saying what he'll do to himself. Robert has to at least try and stop it.  
"No. I mean, I made myself think I did. To try and get over what you did to me." He hadn't talked much about Robert over the years, more like did drugs and cut to avoid thinking about him. Even in therapy the truth never came out, he hated talking about him. "I realized something today Rob."  
"That your choice in men suck?" He tried to joke but Aaron was being serious.  
"You're a good man." They were the last words either one of them thought would come out, but they were true. Despite all his past mistakes he was a good man. "The way you protected Vic, reminded me of when you saved me." Those words, 'saved me' made Robert's heart ache. Was he responsible for saving Aaron only to break him a year later? Did he really just save Aaron or was it like putting him on life support. Not dead but not really living either. "She's lucky to have a brother like you." Aaron stopped and looked at Robert, "I was lucky to have you."  
"I don't know about that. But thank you." Even after all this time it was still hard for Robert to bare himself to anyone. To be able to show emotion and let other people know how he felt. He was grateful for Aaron, because he knew exactly how to make him open up. To accept the way he felt, Robert could say thank you to Aaron and it would be genuine. Just like Aaron could do the same. They didn't pretend with each other. Unless they were stuck pretending they didn't love each other. "I've gotta go up to Hotten. Getting ahold of D.S Wise for-"  
"Yeah right, I understand." Robert walked to Vic's car and as he was about to open the drivers door Aaron yelled, "Hold up. I'll come with you." Robert wasn't about to argue, especially since he had a better chance getting the man to listen with Aaron by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed!


	9. My Darling,  I am Still in Love with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robeet finally confesses his feelings to Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. I was going to put it into 2 chapters but it felt right leaving it in this one.   
> I may revisit this in the future with a follow up fic but for now, enjoy :)

After they had finished talking to D.S Wise, Aaron and Robert returned to the village where Aiden was packing up his belongings. They were followed by D.S Wise who when they arrived took Aiden in for questioning. He knew he couldn't deny it, after basically admitting to the crime in a room full of people who would save Aaron and Victoria with absolutely no hesitation. Robert called Sapphire during the entire situation and told her that he'd need to stay in the village for a while longer than expected. He ended up going back for a quick meeting with his boss to discuss everything. He was given two weeks off and within that time they were able to find Victoria a lawyer who well really they didn't need but came in handy. There was a court date for three weeks to the date where they would determine his sentence. Until then Robert would go home to Bolton and continue to do his job. He had stayed with Vic for majority of the two weeks but when she asked for a night alone with Adam, Aaron told him he could sleep in the spare room. They had spent that night drinking beers and watching whatever played on the telly. They both ended up crashing on the couch as they fell asleep to some rerun of the first Die Hard movie. It was Liv who woke both men up to remind Robert of his return to Bolton. Olivia loved her brother more than anything else in her entire life, and once upon time she thought of Robert as one too. That feeling never completely went away. Before finding out the truth, just as everyone else she was fooled by Aiden. He was far too kind for Aaron and she just wanted her brother to be happy, but somehow no matter how bad things were between them she always saw how much love and happiness was between Robert and Aaron. Aaron didn't want to drive Robert to the bus just to say goodbye, he thought it would be too hard. Adam said he would do it, so it all worked out. All he could do was nod his head as Robert grabbed the handle for the door. Adam and Vic were sitting in their car outside of the Mill when Liv said,  
"Can I do it?" She had that devious look he remembered from her teenage years, it was more than obvious she was up to something but that was okay because Robert was more than happy to spend time with her even if he secretly wished it was Aaron. "I'll tell Vic and Adam. I haven't seen the city yet, it might be nice." Robert and Aaron stood in silence while Liv went and told Adam and Vic that they could return home and she'd drive him back to town. They were happy to be able to settle for the day but before going Robert went to give his sister a hug. Aaron gave Liv the keys to their shared jeep and then mumbled a "be careful" before turning his back and walking into the house. They hadn't even made it out of the village before Liv turned to Robert and asked, "You still love him, don't you?" Truth was, she isn't even have to question it. Nobody did, because besides sleeping with Rebecca he made it clear exactly how much he loves Aaron. Still, 5 years after not being together, not even talking to each other and he'd still do anything for that man. "Robert it won't kill you to say it. Yeah, you've made mistakes but haven't we all? Look at you now, there for Vic and Aaron. Risking your job to stay close with your family and loved ones. You're not the same guy you were when you left. Anybody with eyes can see that." He couldn't believe that she had grown up so much, so much more wise but yet still pestered Robert and Aaron about each other. Some things never change.  
"Liv, it's too complicated right now." He tried to argue what she said, that she was wrong and that he and Aaron could never be together.  
"It's always been complicated between you two goofs!" She protested. Liv swarmed the car to the side of the road and turned off the engine. "You and him can feed me that same bull shit until you're in your graves and I'll never believe it." She huffed. Irritated that two men who were no less in love with each other after 5 years, couldn't just admit it to themselves that they needed each other. "Look, I don't know everything Robert, ok? But I do know this, who was the only man that you ever fell for and made you accept that part of yourself? Who was the first person Aaron told about our father?" And Liv was right, Robert had never had anything besides sexual feelings for a man before Aaron came along. When he met Aaron it felt like the his entire world had shifted and he didn't know what to do with himself. When he saw Aaron at the scrap yard when Gordon was back he saw the man he loved falling to pieces, and didn't leave his side until he strayed towards Rebecca months later. Still, the biggest mistake of his life.  
"That was years ago Liv. I don't deserve him and you know that." Maybe it was true back then, too much had happened in a short period of time and Robert still had things he needed to figure out. But Liv knew Robert deserved Aaron just as much as Aaron needed Robert.  
Liv sighed at the words coming from Robert. She knew this wouldn't be easy but she thought he loved Aaron enough to just give in. No, she didn't think. She knew he did. "I got my license a year after you left ya know." It came out of nowhere and Robert was confused. "Asked Aaron if I could borrow the car, he was too busy doing his drugs to notice so I just took it without an answer." Robert's facial expression was still one eyebrow raised in confusion so she continued, "Didn't really know where I was going at first but then I remembered Vic and Adam talking about you and they mentioned a town." And then it clicked. Robert realized Liv had made a trip to Bolton all those years ago. Then he thought about it, it hurt. Because surely she would've stopped to see him.  Although he'd understand if she hated him then too. "I don't know if it just happened by accident but I saw you. It was downtown nearby few pubs and coffee shops. I had parked somewhere and just went walking, after I grabbed a brew I came out and saw you leaving one of the pubs. You were right plastered. I'd never seen anyone so drunk before."  
"Liv-"  
"No. Let me finish." Robert shook his head in agreement despite wanting to say something. "I thought if anyone could save Aaron it would be you. But then I saw you were just as broken. And eventually he was saved, by Aiden. Maybe he needed to move on, or maybe he needed to get clean. But he needed to do that without you. Just like you needed to accept yourself, and you couldn't do that with Aaron. You guys needed to be apart, but now, you need each other." And she was right, Liv was completely right. Neither one of them could save themselves while being together with all the memories from the past. The wounds were still too fresh and painful. But it felt so safe to be in the others comfort, like they'd been at war and the last five years were a trip to the hospital and now they were finally home.  
"Turn around." It was all he said, two simple words but she knew what he meant. Liv turned the key to put the engine on and turned back towards the village.

Robert's heart was beating faster than he'd ever remembered and couldn't believe what he was about to do. His palms were sweaty, knees were trembling and he didn't know if he'd be able to stand without crashing. She pulled to a stop in front of the Mill and shook her head for Robert to go inside.  
Aaron was sitting on the couch with a bottle of whiskey open beside a half filled cup in front of him. "Robert, did you forget something?" He asked once he realized Robert was standing frozen at the front door.  
"I-I just uh had erm a uh question for you." What the hell was wrong with him, Robert was always good with his words. What the hell was he doing not even able to get our a couple simple words. Aaron looked confused and asked,  
"You turned around to ask me a question? Couldn't just phone me?" He joked.  
"Do you love me?" The question came out in an instant, and before even getting a reply he added, "Because I love you and I don't think I ever stopped." No hesitation, no stutter or second guessing if he should ask. Because after all this time of trying to dent those feelings, he was done waiting. Done waiting to know about what Aaron felt, done waiting to see if this was right. Because whether or not it was right he  still loved Aaron and no matter what needed him to know that. "I know I've messed up countless times and it's unfair of me to just say that but I do Aaron. I've loved you since that trip we took together in the winter before I got married to Chrissie and it scared the hell out of me to love you like that. Scared me even more a year later when I loved you a thousand times more and saw you falling apart. But more than that, terrified me that after five years of no contact with you, all it took was one look and I felt all those things I spent years trying not to feel anymore. I can't spend another day pretending not to love you Aaron." Neither one of them could believe the words that had just fallen from Robert's lips. Years of denial and pretending for it all to come out like that. But Aaron would be lying if he said he didn't want to hear it. This was all he ever wanted, for Robert to bare his heart and soul. All he ever wanted and all he ever needed.  
"Rob, I love you too." And with those words Robert walked towards Aaron and placed his hands on his cheeks then their lips collided. All the things they'd ever felt or tried not to feel was there. The little space between the two men filled with nothing but love and nothing had ever felt so real or right. They just needed to fall apart to realize how much had to fall back together. Aaron pulled himself back, to deny himself the pleasure of being with Robert would be painful but he couldn't just give in like that. "I do love you. So much. I've never stopped but Robert, I-I can't right now." Of course, he saw it coming but that didn't make it hurt any less. Robert knew, he knew more than anything that it wouldn't be easy. But then his little string of hope he was hanging onto made him believe that just maybe he might get the love of his life back. Clearly, he was wrong. "I'm thankful that you were there for me after Paddy and that you've helped Vic through this hell because I understand what she's going through. You're a great man Robert, but you and I, it's never worked." It was a stupid excuse, the kind of excuse you use when you don't want to be heartbroken again and again because that's what happened with these two. Constant heart break. It was the same excuse Aaron used years ago to try and get over Robert. 'We would've never worked' He said to himself over and over again as he sat alone with a needle debating whether to put it into his skin and then as days went by there was the odd time he would think maybe it was just a guard and he didn't really believe it. But he had to believe it, for his own sake he had to believe it.   
"I want to do it right this time Aaron, please." Robert begged. He needed this chance, sure it wasn't his second and probably wouldn't be his last but he wanted to do it right. He needed to for him and Aaron. "I know you may not believe me,  but I'm going to prove you wrong."  
"I'm 30 Robert, you're 36. We're grown adults with responsibilities, we can't just play these games with each other's heads anymore. We've gotta grow up." Aaron was always the more logical one of the two, making decision like these trying to be a grown up while Robeet just went along only argued when he felt it was nessecary. He made decisions that were bizarre and ridiculous. But only because he wanted Aaron and needed Aaron and thought the only way to keep him was a life else where. But now it was different, now he knew what he had to do.  
"Aaron, I'm not going to beg you to marry me in some beat down Chapel in Vegas, or suggest a cruise in Rio. I'm going to tell you that I love you, and I want the rest of my life-however long that may be, to be with you. Here, in Emmerdale surrounded by Diane and Chas being overly controlling mothers and Liv and Victoria being nosey sisters. With Adam and Cain butting their heads in and threatening to beat me if I screw up. I want the life we could've had together if I didn't mess up. I want you and everything that comes with being with you. I don't care what I have to do to prove it Aaron because after five years I know I will never survive another minute of life without you in it." What could Aaron possibly say to that? There were no words he could respond with that would be worthy enough. Robert was always good at this though, being told no just to find a way into being forgiven. It's how he got Aaron back time and time again. Aaron felt stupid every time he forgave Robert, like it was a choice he shouldn't have made but it seemed like now despite doing the same thing as years before, that Robert might mean it differently now. "I've done it Aaron. Lived without you, and maybe if we never met I'd be okay. But I'm not. And I can't do it again." It was in his eyes this time, all the times before they were words that came from his mouth and he pretended came from the heart. Aaron saw it though, the pain that was in Robert's eyes. This time he knew, Robert meant it.  
"I believe Rob. I really do believe you, and even if I feel the same way it's not that easy. You created a life for yourself, and me mum and the rest of the village. They're still not exactly team Robert yet. So much has happened, we can't just act like it takes is pressing play to go back to our relationship five years ago." And once again his points were good ones. But Robert wasn't going to give up.  
"I don't want to press play on the past. I want to live life like it is now. Everything has changed too much to pretend we're those people, and honestly I don't want to be them. Because I see you now, you're not broken like I made you. You took care of yourself and you're a better man for it. Now I want to prove I'm a better man for you." Robert didn't know what else Aaron wanted. He'd told him everything he felt, everything he'd wanted, all he'd ever need and more yet Aaron still looked like he wasn't sure and the uncertainty on his face scared Robert more than he could have ever imagined. He's instantly filled with regret that he didn't say all of this before getting in the car, he should've been able to admit how much he loved Aaron from the second he saw him again. But maybe now too much time has passed to be completely forgiven and he may be stuck living with the regret of letting Aaron go and waiting too long to come back. Was this the cost of finally following his heart? Realizing that Aaron just may never be able to take him back no matter what he said. But Aaron loved him, he said it only moments ago.  
"You broke me a thousand times over Robert and I thought I'd never get over it but slowly I did. I forgave you for Katie and I forgave you for threatening Paddy, I forgave you for making me love you and I even forgave you for what happened at the lodge that day. I forgave you but I did it for the wrong reasons." Robert's heart felt like it dropped in his chest. Was this going to be a goodbye? "I forgave you because you saved me. I didn't realize until I kicked you out for sleeping with her that I needed to save myself before I could actually forgive you. I realized all those months we spent together I was just resenting you for all the times you'd hurt me. But now, if I take you back now it's because I saved me and not because I need you. But because I want you. We were more than bad for each other. We were toxic, and I refuse to ever go back to that." Robert stepped closer to Aaron again and held onto his hands,  
"Aaron, I promise on everything that means anything I do not want to go back to that. I'll make sure we don't." Before Aaron responded the door opened and they heard Liv,  
"Coming to make sure the two of you didn't kill each other." She smiled and looked at their hands intertwined, "Looks like all went well then." Aaron was the first to acknowledge what Liv had said and responsed,  
"I'm gonna join you guys to go to Bolton." Robert looked up shocked at what Aaron had said, "Well you're gonna need some of your clothes and odds and ends aren't ya. Besides you gotta talk to your boss tomorrow." Liv and Robert both smiled widely. "We can stay in your flat for the night. Head back after you speak with the boss." And so they did. Aaron took the drivers seat while Robert joined in the passenger side and Liv sat in the back. The three of them drove with their windows down and music up, for the first time in a long time it had felt like family. This time around, they'd all be Happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story :)


End file.
